Tea is my typewriter

Before closing the door of the walk-in cupboard, Miss Wood took a final look in the mirror. She straightened her oversized purple spectacles, smoothed the front of her flowing lilac tunic and ran her fingers through her long unruly hair, feeling the static twitch against her hand, her heavy bangles dropping down her arm. She took a few deep breaths to cleanse what she thought were her chakras. She muttered “breathe in light, breathe out love.” She encouraged a smile on to her face. She was ready for the session ahead. 

Out in the hall sat a younger woman. She tapped her fingers on her legs and bounced the heel of her foot on the floor. Beside her was a polystyrene cup of cold tea. She wore dirty jeans and her make up appeared to be several days old. 

“Holly?”, asked Miss Wood, smiling welcomingly. She was pleasantly surprised to find that her client did not smell as bad as she looked. There was no alcohol or cigarette smoke, but the woman was certainly not fresh.

“I’m Miss Wood.” She extended a soft hand, well moisturised with short, mauve nails. “Did Dr Smith tell you…?”

Holly looked up quizzically, and then recoiled slightly when she met Miss Wood’s gaze. She said nothing.

“Doctor Smith is unable to keep on your appointment today, but she asked me if I could take care of you. Would that be suitable for you?”

Holly swallowed, and then, slowly, began to smile and nod. 

“In that case,” said Miss Wood, “Please come in.”

——-

They sat in high-backed armchairs, carefully angled to avoid the impression of confrontation, yet close enough to make it impossible to ignore each other.

Holly spoke first. “Will you be taking notes today, and passing them on to Doctor Smith?”

“The therapeutic process can work in many ways, Holly, and it’s up to us to find the best way to make your session helpful to you. Would you like me to take notes? Or would you prefer that we simply talk? Or indeed, not talk?”

“I would prefer that you take notes, please, and pass them on to Doctor Smith. Will you do that? Because, Doctor Smith has the full picture. Doctor Smith understands what I’ve been going through, and all the progress I’ve made.”

“Then of course, that’s what we’ll do.” Miss Wood took a reporter’s notebook from the side of her armchair and pulled a pen out of the spiral binding. She smiled. “How are you today, Holly?”

“I am well. I am really, really well.”

“That’s good. Can you tell me why you’re feeling well today, Holly?”

“Simply, it’s been the therapy. It’s the work that Doctor Smith has been giving me to do. She’s been teaching me to meditate, and there’s been role-playing – where I say all the things I want to say to my ex, only I say them to a cushion? Well, I wasn’t convinced at first, but these last two weeks I’ve been giving it a real shot and actually, I feel great. It’s been extremely useful, and now I’m feeling well. Really well. Much, much better.”

“I’m so glad to hear that’s going well for you, Holly.”

“I can show you, look. Here’s the work I’ve done – you can see, I’ve made it like a little chart. Sorry it’s a bit grotty, it’s been in my pocket because I’ve been carrying it around so I don’t miss anything out. The day of the week is down the side, here look, and there’s a tick in the column for meditation and another for role play, and then at the bottom I’ve written all the self-care practices I’ve been trying. Look, that one says ‘wild water swimming’.”

“This is very impressive, Holly. You’re doing really well.”

“Thank you.”

“When I saw you in the waiting room you looked like you were nervous. Were you worried about seeing Doctor Smith today?”

“No! I was excited! I’ve been waiting to tell her my progress all week. I think we were both starting to think I was a lost cause and I would never get over this break-up. But I’ve turned a corner. Are you writing all this down for Doctor Smith? If you like, you can keep the chart I made.”

“Thank you Holly, I will. Yes I’ll make sure Doctor Smith is all up to date. Perhaps – just to show me how well you’re doing, you could tell me a bit more about why you started seeing Doctor Smith? I’ve read your notes of course, I know some of the details about your break-up with Mister Burns but I’d like to hear you talk about it.”

“Mister Burns? Darren? Wow, I didn’t think I’d ever told Doctor Smith his surname. Doctor Smith always said this is a Darren-free zone, where it can just be all about me.”

“I am sorry, Holly. I hope that I haven’t distressed you? We all have different therapeutic approaches.”

“It’s… it’s fine. No, it’s completely fine! Because I am completely fine! Like I said, I am really, really well now.”

“Lovely. Then perhaps you could tell me a bit about the situation you found yourself in.”

“Well, it’s just the usual stuff really, a tale as old as time! Boy meets girl, girl falls in love, girl signs over half her home and business to boy, boy turns out to be a serial philanderer, boy shags girl’s sister and gets her pregnant, girl finds out, boy gets smart lawyers and girl is left with nothing. Same old same old.”

“Your sister?”

“The love of my life and my sister, yup. A lying shit and a filthy slut. I mean… It hurt like hell for a long time, but I’m so much better now. I’ve let it go, and it feels much better to not have to think about it all the time.”

“It sounds like you’ve had a lot to overcome.”

“Oh it’s been awful. The worst six months of my life. But I’ve decided. It’s time to move on. In fact, I’m leaving town this afternoon. Stepping away and getting on with living my life, like Doctor Smith’s been encouraging me to do. It’s all going to change. Very soon.”

“Where are you going?”

“Devon! Could you get any further away? No more contesting the ownership of the business, or the house, I’m letting them have everything. I’m walking away with my soul intact. The train ticket is in my bag here – look, here it is! Along with everything else I need to start my new life. I’m travelling light.”

“That’s such an important step Holly.”

“Thank you! But I wanted to make sure that Doctor Smith knew how much better I am. I didn’t want to miss my appointment! You will leave all the details, won’t you? I want her to know that I truly am doing so much better. No more revenge fantasies. I’m taking action, I’m moving on.”

“Well Holly, I think you’re certainly demonstrating that you’ve moved on a lot since the police got involved.”

“The police? What police?”

“It’s in your notes, Holly…”

“No, I didn’t tell Doctor Smith about that, did I? Wow, I must have been even more messed up than I thought! That was just Darren overreacting anyway. Who calls the police just because someone turns up at her own house at two in the morning? He’s an unhinged, lying, arse-faced – poor Daniel, I think his mental health is really suffering through all of this. I hope he can make as good a recovery as I’ve made.”

“So you’re wishing him well?”

“Look, I know that’s maybe taking things quite far, but there’s no point in being sad and angry forever. Devon – it’s got beautiful beaches, cream teas – I think I’m even going to take up surfing. Doctor Smith would like to know that, please, if you could tell her. She’s very keen on outdoor pursuits. Please put that in your notes.”

“Of course, Holly.”

“So…”

“So..?”

“Um, so, I think I’m ready to be discharged as a patient. I’m all better. So much better. What do you think?”

“Holly, as best as I can tell from our time together, it seems like you’re doing very well indeed. I am going to recommend to Doctor Smith that this is your final appointment, and that she writes to your GP and explains how much better you are. I will tell everyone who needs to know that Holly is doing really well.”

“Thank you Miss Woods. I can’t tell you how much of a relief it is to know that in your professional opinion, I’m well again. It’s very important to me that nobody thinks I’m mad. Mad people do crazy stuff, they get the blame for all sorts of things. I don’t want anyone to think I’m a loose cannon. So I’m very grateful to you.”

“That’s no problem, Holly. I wish more of my clients could move on the way you’re doing. It’s safe to say that if they did, I would probably be out of a job. So many people can get stuck in bitterness and anger, and often it can lead to quite dreadful consequences for everyone concerned. That’s usually where my set of skills comes in handy. But you’ve got things together and I’m very impressed. Especially when – well, your sister. Oh my. Well, anyway, I will be sure to pass on all the details to Doctor Smith, and you do not need to make an appointment on the way out!”

“Thank you Miss Woods. Thank you so much.”

——-

As she stuffed the purple spectacles and tunic into her rucksack, she cradled her phone between her ear and her shoulder. 

“It’s me. Listen, I’ve seen her. Yeah, actually, she’s fine. I’m pretty sure she’s out of your life. She’s leaving. Devon. Today. Honestly, she’s over you. She showed me the train ticket. I know, right? Listen, I’m going to need the case closure fee as well as the hourly rate now. Two grand. Aw come on, I know how much you’re spending on that wedding, mate. I know, but she’s out of your hair, right? You can relax! Listen, you never told me your fiancée is Holly’s sister? Jeez mate, that’s… yeah, okay, none of my business. Just… well, you’re getting off pretty lightly in my view, that’s all. Okay, I’ll collect the money this evening.”

She kicked off Doctor Smith’s Birkenstocks and shoved them under the desk, pulled on her biker boots and black leather jacket, and pulled the unruly hair into a tight ponytail. Then she hauled the office chair out of the cupboard and carefully wheeled the unconscious Doctor Smith back behind the desk. 

Checking her watch, and, satisfied that Doctor Smith would be awake for her next patient, threw the rucksack over her shoulder, hoisted open the window and climbed out.

——-

In the street, Holly stood breathing in the fresh air of a new chapter. That had been much easier than she’d expected – in fact, she couldn’t believe her luck. That woman was a lot less work than Doctor Smith. Now she had a clean bill of health, a medical professional on side, and a plan.

She caught the smell of her own body – it was at least a week since she washed – unless you counted that ‘wild swim’ in the canal on Saturday night after the half bottle of vodka. But there would be no more of that. Now she was clear-headed and ready for the next step.

Holly checked her watch. She had 20 minutes to get to the house before Darren left for football training. He might have changed the locks, but she didn’t need to go inside. She’d be waiting in the garage when the bastard got in the car.

Holly opened her handbag and looked down at the train ticket to Devon, nestling beside the immaculately sharpened blade of the carving knife. Holly grinned and started walking.