Here’s the tea.
The Man Who Ate Himself to Death
Calvin had spent a year planning his final meal. Every element had been carefully plotted. Each dish was selected to be delicious. Every mouthful was intended to be decadent. The quality of every ingredient was assured, and co-ordination of the wines was thoughtful and imaginative. The table linen was pristine, the cutlery a joy to…
Maiden Aunt
I phoned Cousin Alec last night to ask why he hadn’t come up to see me. He told me that his Cathy had been up last week and so she’d told me all his news, but really? I mean, Cathy’s a nice enough lassie, and she brought thon big box of biscuits with her, nice…
Magic Al’s Mysterious Teleportation Show
A woman in the second back row of the theatre sprang to her feet, shrieked, “IT’S HERE! OH MY GOD IT’S HERE!”, and waved a wristwatch above her head. The rest of the audience turned to see her, and wild applause broke out. From the stage, Magic Al beamed and nodded encouragingly, as if she…
Wishing On A Teapot
Ashley Wishart threw open the door to her dressing room, and in a few long, flouncing strides, extravagantly flung her lean frame onto the old threadbare sofa. There was a squeaking of springs and a cloud of dust. Ashley waited. She looked to the still-open door. When nobody appeared, she walked back and stuck her…
The One That Got Away
You find yourself thinking about him more and more. It used to be occasional, when you were feeling blue or restless or discontent. But now your thoughts settle on him regularly. What would have happened if you’d kissed him? You did want to – well, you had been curious but not quite into him enough,…
The Seven Habits of a Highly Successful Goddess
I always wanted to be a goddess. I’d had a fairly traumatic childhood, which we don’t need to go into here, suffice to say that a book of Greek and Roman myths was very influential in my teenage years. What resonated with me was the worship. The greats – Athena, Demeter, Persephone – they only…
The Trifle
On the dresser in my mum and dad’s kitchen is a trifle dish. It’s made of thick, pressed glass with geometric patterns cut deeply into its sides. It has a thick stem which elevates its contents to four inches above anything else that might be on the table. It is accompanied by eight mini-versions of…
The Antimacassars
Her See when he’s deid? The first thing I’m gonnae dae is get rid o’ they bloody antimacassars. I cannot stand them, and I cannot stand the way I huv tae give houseroom to stupid wee bits o cloth just because o his greasy flakey heid. It was bad enough when he actually had hair…
The McGuffin Moment
Advent microstories: day 9 The prince sat nervously on the horse’s back, waving shyly at the throngs of people lining the streets. There was cheering and dancing and embracing, and the prince thought he’d never seen such joy in his life. He felt quite self-conscious of his singed hose and torn doublet, and he was…
Do The Right Thing
Advent microstories: day 8 One rainy afternoon, our dad pulled up outside our house in a chauffeur driven car and took us off to work with him. I remember it was a silver car, but my brother Richie, two years younger and five at the time, is still convinced it was red. It was ages…
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